I am currently the Mum (or Mumma as they still call me – their choice not mine!) of 2 teenage boys….
Right now I’m waiting with my youngest at the orthodontist office waiting for his braces to be put on…
So of course my thoughts turn to motherhood…. Why not? It’s a Wednesday afternoon in Berkshire!
When I case my mind back I can see how much my role as a mother has evolved… I know that is probably stating the obvious but it’s not something I think about all the time….
Obviously I feed, clothe, shelter my kids – the basic building blocks of being a parent but I’m thinking more about how my role changes as my children grow… I love my children unconditionally and tell them more than once daily…
When they were babies it was all about getting through the day, feeding, burping, bathing etc… Kisses and cuddles and peek a boo! Singing lullabies and frantically search for dummies (pacifiers) under the lounge!
As toddlers I spent a lot of my time trying to find a balance between creating boundaries without squashing their independent spirit and gorgeous personalities… With a lot of finger painting, bubble blowing, Wiggles and Play School (I am so not anti TV!!)
Going into school it was learning to read and write, fighting about homework, weekend sports, juggling their social calendars (birthday parties at 5 & 6 are fierce!!) PLUS speech pathology, occupational therapy, podiatrist, optometrist (seriously I don’t remember even being aware of these professions as a child let alone attend a session!!)
As they progressed into upper primary was when bullying came into play – literally… I still remember my eldest coming home – all serious say “Mumma I’m being bullied” all I can say is kids can be CRUEL…. So not only was I managing homework, extra curricular activities I was cradling my children’s fragile self esteems and trying to find a balance between kicking up an almighty stink and standing back to see how it all played out…
Into High School, more homework (are you sensing a theme here?), more bullying (although luckily my kids went to a fantastic school and had found some valuable coping mechanisms), plus hormones…. I find myself wanting to protect my children even more than ever but knowing it’s time to start letting them have more independence… I also find myself being a taxi service more than ever (good thing I love driving!) and I seem to spend a LOT of time at the orthodontist…. Add iPads, Xboxes and internet safety into the mix. This parenting thing is exhausting!!
In amongst all of this we make the decision to move overseas – Australia to U.K…
My kids are resilient little beings, they always have been! A move overseas, in the middle of the school year is hard on anyone – my eldest took to the changes like a duck to water, he loves school, loves the extra independence he has, he has a healthy social life and a (gulp) girlfriend!!
My youngest however isn’t such a happy bunny – he isn’t settling in as well and is finding life in English schools much harder “Mumma” he says “you think Aussie kids are bad? They have nothing on British kids AND they get to hide behind this thing called banter” (look it up its a real thing!)
As a mother I just want to protect him from what he is going through but I know that he needs to work his own way through it. A huge part of his personality relies on me knowing when to intervene and when to butt out… When he was younger I would have told him what to do but as he gets older he needs me to let him work it out for himself. So my role has gone from protector and conquerer to advisor and (closet) worrier….
These days I don’t sweat the small stuff – if the boys don’t do their homework it is no my problem – they need to deal with it. They need to get their own snacks, heck most of the time their own dinner (I cleanse a lot!) I just make sure there is a fridge full of healthy choices that might catch their eye. If they want noodles they have to cook it themselves. They are in charge of when they shower, when they study, the only exception is that we try (operative word there) to eat dinner at the table on a regular basis – otherwise we’d be ships in the night..
Recently my eldest son has started washing his own clothes – rather than getting upset about not being able to do such things for him – I am rejoicing – he is learning to live an independent life! Organically – not throwing himself in the deep end like I did (with some occasionally interesting consequences…)
So my role as a mother has definitely changed – I have gone from caretaker, to role model to advisor to landlord (or at least it feels like that some days) the only things that I insist my children do is – say please and thank you, be kind to others, tell me where they are going and what they are doing, talk to me about anything and ask because the worst I can say is no.
I’m not a perfect mother – far from it – I Actually very rarely talk openly about my role as a mother because I believe it doesn’t define who I am – it’s a massive part of my life but there is so much more to me – hence why it’s important to me to acknowledge and cherish my evolution of motherhood…
elbylicious40 